The only light in the room streams from the computer monitor located on the desk. The cool, white light illuminates my slouching figure positioned on the swivel chair; my right foot is on the seat to allow my chin to rest on my knee and my left leg is tucked underneath.
The smell of cannabis and menstrual blood permeates the stuffy air as a hand, which doesn’t feel entirely my own, reaches out to snuff out the butt of a joint. As I pull back I notice the index, middle and ring finger are covered in blood… the edges of my orgasm still twitch deep in my body. I snarl, baring my pointed teeth and continue to flick through images of a past lover who killed himself the day before.
I pause on one that I took of him on the beach behind the apartment I shared with him and my ex-husband. He has his hand in the pocket of his dark green jacket and is looking over his shoulder towards the horizon with an authentic smile spread across his face. Every landmark in the foreground appears to be pointing at him.
My eyes begin to flood with tears again and my vision blurs. I blink them away and as they roll down my cheek I continue exploring what little images I have left of our time together. I search for something in those images, something I didn’t see the first handful of times I’d flicked through them that day… some indication that he cared or that I enriched his life somehow or an answer or clue to the reasons why he left so soon, without saying goodbye. I think that’s the hardest to cope with in this dark, quiet room alone… similar to how he left us… that he didn’t say goodbye. That he didn’t want to, that he couldn’t, that he didn’t have words for any of us.
A great hopelessness washed over me and spilled out of my eyes, anger flared up then and disappointment weighed heavily on my chest. It was a great injustice and something needed to be fixed.
But alas, nothing could be done and Kieran was gone.
Last weekend my friend Joker commissioned our perverted friendship group to get together for a weekend of debauchery in the name of marriage equality promotion.
In Australia marriage is still defined as “…between a man and a woman at the exclusion of all others” which is very outdated. All other marriages are not legally recognised and you may be excluded from your spouse’s will or be turned away if they’re in hospital (even if you got married overseas).
Our government have commissioned a third party to post a survey to us which we have to then vote “yes” or “no” to allow same sex marriage. That sentence seems like a joke but it isn’t. The most ridiculous part of it is that it isn’t legally binding and it will cost taxpayers millions of dollars to carry out what is essentially a social experiment. The LGBTQIA community have already become a target in the lead up to the postal survey with misleading propaganda being circulated.
Many minority groups including many First Nations people who live in very remote areas (or who aren’t literate in English) are at a great disadvantage.
The idea was to shoot a series to highlight the overall humanity beneath our different relationship structures and identities. Queer, bi, pan, straight, cis, trans, poly, mono, triad, Vee… human.
We stripped ourselves of the part we present to society and covered each other in rainbow colours and glitter.
I had so much fun being naked in the sun with my partners, their partners and my friends. We showered together and drank wine. Hooped in the sun, ate fruit, laughed so much and wrestled each other playfully.
The first proper scene with my new play partner Salv went really well! The dynamic of our relationship hasn’t been completely fleshed out yet but we’re shaping up to be regular rope partners.
During the scene he started slow and chatted a little bit initially about time travel while fretting over the uneven tension. I encouraged him to take his time and that he is welcome to undo and redo as needed.
Once my arms were securely tied and the tension was just right around my chest I began to slip into subspace. He mostly sat behind me peering at me from my peripheries and laughing at me whenever I got embarrassed by his gaze. He asked me how I was doing… my answer came as a drunken slur of positive sounds and he smiled as he lowered me to the ground using a strong arm behind my head.
I moaned quietly & my body convulsed consistently as he secured my feet.
When he was happy with that he tickled me until my belly and cheeks were aching from laughter. I heard others laughing as well from the other side of the room.
Eventually I became exhausted from thrashing about trying to get away, he laughed at me and told me I was fun to play with as I bit his arm and tasted salt on his skin.
He untied me slowly… taking every opportunity to touch my skin and caress my curves.
Afterwards we shared some hugs and chatted a little bit as I came back to myself. His girlfriend came in for a bit too to chat to the both of us – we get along really well which is a relief.
All up we played for about an hour but it didn’t feel that long at all.
I’m hoping to do some more rope one on one with him in the near future.
My only regret was that I didn’t share nearly as many experiences with Hectic as I would have liked. He looked so hot in latex and I really wanted to run my hands along his body more but Thistlebird was “designated girlfriend” for the night so even though it wasn’t strictly off limits she had preference.
We talked about our feelings afterwards though and I’m looking forward to the next party when I get the privilege of going with him as his partner (and not as a single woman who happens to be dating him).